MyWiki:WikiProject Greece/Peer review/Seleucus I Nicator

Seleucus I Nicator

I've listed this article for peer review because I improved the article based on the Finnish version (FA) and want now to receive feedback. Perhaps the article can be further improved to GA status? Thanks, Mvaldemar (talk) 14:01, 21 April 2009 (UTC)

Yannismarou

• "Seleucus' later conquests include Persia and Media. He formed an alliance with the Indian King Chandragupta Maurya. Seleucus defeated". The prose looks to me a bit choppy here.
• " It is possible that Antiochus was a member of an upper Macedonian noble family. Seleucus' mother was supposedly." Some weasel wording. It would be better to say that the x historian says that or according to the z sources bla bla bla.
• Do not wikilink single years (per WP:MOS).
• "A number of legends, similar to those told of Alexander the Great, were told of Seleucus. It was said Laodice told his son". Again the prose ...
• "The god had left a ring with a picture of an anchor as a gift to Laodice. Seleucus' had a birthmark shaped like an anchor. It was told that Seleucus' sons and grandsons also had similar birthmarks. The story is similar to the one told about Alexander. Most likely the story is merely propaganda by Seleucus. He invented the story to present himself as the natural predecessor of Alexander." Choppy prose again. Copy-editing is needed, so I'll not come up with more examples of problematic prose.
• "Didymeia might refer to the oracle of Apollo in Didyma near Miletus. It has also been suggested that Ptolemy (son of Seleucus) was actually the uncle of Seleucus." "It was told that Seleucus' sons and grandsons also had similar birthmarks. The story is similar to the one told about Alexander. Most likely the story is merely propaganda by Seleucus." "It is told Alexander crossed the Hydaspes river on a boat." "It is likely that Seleucus had no role in the actual planning of the battle." "It is told that Chaldean astrologers prophesied to Antigonus that Seleucus would become the master of Asia and that he would kill Antigonus." "Perhaps Seleucus had to reconquer Babylon from Archelaus." Weasel wording everywhere. Who suggests what?
• Do not overwikilink. Once an article is linked, it is a done business!
• "to his bastard eldest son Antiochus ". Shouldn't we replace "bastard" with something like "illegitimate"?
• Choose between BC and BCE. It cannot be both! It is not consistent.
• "Blazing into battle was not his style." Maybe you could expand a bit on that in a different section, where you'll assess his political and military skills.
• "His general Perdiccas became the Regent of all of Alexander's empire, while Alexander's physically and mentally disabled half-brother Arrhidaeus was chosen as the next King under the name Philip III of Macedon. Alexander's unborn child was also named as his father's successor. Alexander's generals divided the empire among themselves." Something is wrong with the story here. It seems incomplete. Perdiccas was the regent, and at the same time under his regency the generals divided the empire?
• "Perdiccas' power dependent on his ability to hold Alexander's enormous empire together, and if he can force the satraps to obey himself." This sentence makes no sense to me. Where are the verbs?!
• "War soon broke between Perdiccas and the other Diadochi". Who were the other Diadochi? Inform us a bit?
• " the "Shield-bearers" (Hypaspistai)". Shpuldn't you link the hypaspists article?
• "Perdiccas tried to marry Alexander's sister Cleopatra." How is this related with the rest of the paragraph?!
• "After the assassination of Perdiccas". In the previous paragraph you told us something about a conspiracy, but nothing about an assassination!
• Don't use "the" in the headings.
• One paragraph in "Satrap of Babylon" is uncited.
• "After arriving in Egypt, Seleucus sent his friends to Greece to tell Cassander and Lysimachus, the ruler of Thracia, of Antigonus." Tell what of Antigonus?
• "The allies sent a proposition to Antigonus." Who were the allies?
• "The fleet was too small to defeat Rhodes, but it was big enough to force Asander, the satrap of Caria to ally with Ptolemy. Seleucus also invaded the city of Erythrai to show his power. Ptolemy, nephew of Antigonus attacked Asander. Seleucus returned to Cyprus, where Ptolemy I had sent his brother Menelaos along with 10 000 mercenaries and 100 ships. Seleucus and Menelaos began to siege Kition. " I said I wouldn't speak again about the prose, but I could not help it. Here the prose reads like a telegraph. It needs improvement.
• "His return to Babylon was afterwards officially regarded as the beginning of the Seleucid Empire and that year as the first of the Seleucid era." Source?
• Citations 34, 44, 46, 47 and 50 need proper fromating. Use one of the appropriate templates, such as Template:cite web.
• Many typos, by the way, all over the place.
• "Modern scholarship often considers that Seleucus actually gave more territory, in what is now southern Afghanistan, and parts of Persia west of the Indus." Uncited.
• Try to avoid "perhaps". It is weasel, and you use it a lot.
• "the Diadochi finally decided to deal with Antigonus." Why? What else did Antigonus do, and caused this alliance against him?
• Is your source for citation 49 "the Easton's Bible Dictionary"? And if yes, it still does not tell us who said the quote.
• Do not forget that citations go always after the quotation mark.
• In "Death and Legacy" I see nothing about his legacy,a dn a little about his death. How was he assassinated? How did Ptolemy approach and kill him?
• External links go at the end of the article.
• Format properly citation 1, consistently with the rest of your citations.
• In References use Template:cite book for all your books. I personally prefer to have a separate section for further reading, so that the reader knows the exact books I used for the article.--Yannismarou (talk) 14:29, 4 May 2009 (UTC)